Confidence of a Lioness
By Debra Trappen
I remember the day my confidence took its first hit.
I was 10 and my softball team was up at bat. Someone on the other team called me chubby and said that I would be an easy out. I had never thought about myself or my body in a negative way before that moment. Now, even though I was an excellent player and even hit a home run when I went up to bat - the thought “if I was thinner, I would be better” stuck with me. Those words are STILL in my head today. They TRY to sabotage me all the time. It doesn’t matter what the scale says - they are there.
Your words might sound more like:
I am not smart enough.
I am not brave enough.
I am too thin.
I am too tall.
I am not worthy.
Similar thoughts plague most of us at one time or another.
You are probably thinking of your “GO TO” negative thoughts.
Lioness, becoming confident is an inside job and thankfully one that we can control and navigate ourselves. Imposter syndrome is real.
Today, my heart’s desire is to ignite a fire inside your soul by sharing my favorite ways to flip your mindset and build the confidence of a LIONESS.
So, let’s start our fierce, focused flipping by tackling the biggest hurdle - self-talk.
1: Positive Affirmations + Nurtured Self-Talk.
The #1 way to banish negative self-talk is to embrace positive, custom affirmations. They are a basic cornerstone for the confident Lioness and the foundation on which you build your best life - the one you’re ready to live out loud, on purpose, and on your own terms.
Two things I want to focus on here:
First, you don’t always have control over the first thought that comes to your mind - but you can control the follow-up thought(s).
Second, there is a key element in the process of affirmations most people are not aware of - and that is the need to bring emotion into your affirmations.
Emotions are the most powerful energy for creation. You can speak affirming words all day long, but if you forget to focus on the feeling you will feel when you get what you want - it simply gets lost in the ether.
FEEL what it's like to hear the answer you have been seeking.
FEEL the joy of what it feels like to have less of what you don’t.
The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is imagined, so have fun imagining those feelings! If you are struggling with connecting to those feelings, start small. Use the thought ladder to work your way up to them! You can read more about the thought ladder process here.
You will find a free download to guide you in the process of writing your own custom affirmations here.
2: Be Confidently Curious.
You’ve heard the saying…curiosity might have it out for the kitty but it FUELS the confident Lioness. I have yet to meet a confident leader who goes with the flow without asking questions. We are curious by design.
As children, our first favorite question is WHY? Almost immediately, we are trained to do as we are told. If we aren’t paying attention - that pattern is never broken.
Reclaim the power of curiosity - one question at a time.
A Hewlett Packard report found that men apply for a job or promotion when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, but women apply only if they meet 100% of them. What doomed them was not their actual ability, but rather the decision not to try or even ask about the requirements. They simply walked away. Their lack of curiosity and confidence in themselves held them back.
Next time you want to raise your hand for a leadership role - volunteer or paid - and you feel underqualified - ask more questions…then get out of your own way and apply!
3: Taking Control Of Tolerations.
Next, it is time to purge irritations OUT of your life and create mind space and margin for what matters most to you.
During my first life coaching session in 2002, my coach asked me “When was the last time you did a ‘tolerations inventory’?” I thought - what on earth is a “tolerations inventory”?
Once I did it - I was blown away by what I was tolerating every single day.
Want to do one yourself?
Walk through each room of your home, sit in your car, open your closets…and ask yourself - what am I tolerating in here?
Is your check engine light permanently glowing these days?
Do your favorite shoes have a broken heel you have been meaning to get fixed?
Is there a lamp in your bedroom that no longer works on the first or second turn?
Is there simply a lack of organization?
These are some of mine along the way - what does your list look like?
Write it down and tackle one or two things a week. It feels so good.
4: Celebrate Yourself.
Speaking of feeling good…
A confident Lioness knows there’s no point in grinding herself to the bone in order to achieve her success because it’s not sustainable.
She takes time to lay in the sun and recharge, because she knows if she can’t take care of herself, then she cannot take care of anyone else in her Pride.
It’s time to show yourself gratitude for all you do.
Schedule it.
Take yourself on a date to the movies, schedule a mani/pedi with your best friend, or watch an extra episode of your favorite show while enjoying your secret stash of fleur de sel chocolate caramels and a divine glass of wine.
In other words, say YES to yourself more often.
5: Know When To Say NO.
On the flip side - we all know someone (maybe it’s you) who says yes to everything and everyone EXCEPT themselves.
Often it is the fear of letting someone down, disappointing others, and even the fear of missing out. Regardless, when you do this, you end up doing for others and often put aside taking care of yourself.
Self-care is not selfish, it is strategic and selfless, and divinely encouraged.
I get it. ‘No’ is a difficult word for a lot of people to say. That’s because it is direct and definitive. However, it is also a complete sentence. A confident woman knows that saying ‘no’ to others often means she is saying ‘yes’ to herself and what matters most to her.
Not sure when to say NO? Before you respond to new opportunities - look to your core values and goals for guidance. Does the project, connection, or invitation honor and align with your core values or assist you in achieving your goals?
If they don’t, proceed with care and choose wisely.
Say NO to those things more often.
You will find a free core values guide here.
6: Create Clarity.
Now, Lioness, in order for confidence to flourish, you must know who you are and what success means to you.
Take time to define what your best life looks like. Grab your journal and answer these questions:
- What do I want to feel more of in the months ahead?
- What do I want to feel less of in the months ahead?
- What/who do I want to bring into this next season?
- What/who do I want to leave behind in the pre-pandemic world?
- When do I feel most successful?
- Where would I like to feel more successful?
- What is one event or recurring commitment I can confidently say no to this month? (This is addicting!)
No one can answer these questions for you - unless you allow it. When you are clear and focused on what you want - what fills your soul and brings you joy, you are able to confidently give your best YES and bold NO replies.
FIERCE BONUS: When you know what success means to you, you are able to wholeheartedly celebrate other people’s successes without the irritation of competition or comparison!
7: Give Yourself Grace + Forgiveness.
We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others.
When you give yourself grace and forgiveness, you honor yourself as a gloriously imperfect person. This releases the pressure of being perfect and opens you up to seeing others with love so you are more open to forgiving when they slip up.
It also builds a deep confidence inside you. You teach yourself you are worthy of self-love and forgiveness - no matter what you do.
8: Surround Yourself With And Nurture Your Champions.
In my last message, I asked you to choose and empower your Lioness Pride - your inner circle. So many of you have messaged me with your stories filled with the joy of letting people go and uncovering your champion Lionesses.
Now it is time to fiercely protect your time with those people who inspire you to soak in the present and inspire you to go after the future of your dreams.
It is equally important for you to release the people who keep you focused on your past and keep you small.
You have big dreams and visions, Lioness. You will roar louder with your champions alongside you - cheering you onward and upward.
It’s Time For The Power Pose Moment! Are You Ready?
First things first - I want you to stand up or sit up tall.
Ok, now picture Wonder Woman. 
Can you see her?
I want you to pose like her. Go on.
How do you feel right now?
I am betting on you feeling strong and confident!
This pose is FIRE.
It is life-changing and if there is only one thing from this post today that you remember - it is this pose.
Lioness, when you are battling imposter syndrome and feeling like you are not smart enough or brave enough or worthy of realizing your wildest dreams - I want you to head back into this pose.
You are worthy of believing in yourself.
Now, go forth and ROAR confidently, Lioness.
About the Contributor
Debra Trappen serves truth, wrapped in grace, with sides of sass, moxie, and fire. She is a sought-after keynote speaker, empowerment consultant, educator, and author with a concentration on engaging, elevating, and empowering women! She starts at the core by helping each of us to define and design the BEST version of ourselves and shows us how to leverage those elements to ditch the senseless hustle, find divine focus, and live our lives out loud, on purpose, and on our own terms!
When she is not igniting an audience on stage, sprinkling moxie on social, or creating in her studio, you will find her walking her pups, editing photos, watching sci-fi or 80’s flix, or traveling, hiking, and wine tasting with her husband and besties.
Her first book, Fire Up! Taking Your Life and Business to 11 and the Fire Up! Podcast are both accessible on her website. If you are ready to design a life and business that fires you up, visit debratrappen.com.
She dares you.
Email: debra@debratrappen.com
Phone: (425) 894-1011
Website: debratrappen.com
Facebook: facebook.com/d11-fireup
Instagram: instagram.com/debra11
